Stressful week, this one has been, and seems to be a current rippling through the Kaz adoption community.
Started with several posts on the large Kaz adopt Yahoo Group about the new “family code” bill that has been introduced into the Kaz legislature. This bill addresses many things, but includes new “rules” for who will be allowed to adopt Kaz orphans. It definitely limits the age of prospective parents to under 50, and depending on the interpretation, one thing it could also do is exclude singles from adopting. This is the part the scares me. No one expected the bill to make any ground until at least November (similar bills have been introduced before but have gone nowhere), but suddenly it seems they may act on it sooner – someone speculated within the next couple of months. You would think there would be a “grandfather” provision for those of us in process, but one family was recently rejected due to age and their dossier was in Kaz at the MOE, which is the last leg of the journey before the LOI is issued. So, putting two and two together and coming up with 5, I’m stressing over whether the law will pass sooner than later, and/or they will reject my dossier even though the law has not yet passed! Deep breaths.
Then to make matters worse, keep hearing about families experiencing much longer processing times for everything in Kaz, which means longer stays in country, which means higher costs. Add that to the fact that travel to Kaz in summer is much higher than any other time of the year, AND my agency increased its in-country expenses rather significantly just yesterday. I’m really wondering where the money is going to come from and if I can afford to do this!
Then I went through my documents. If I don’t travel until June, I’ll have many to redo I think. Again. For the second, third, or fourth time. More time, more money (FedEx loves me) and more anguish. I already know my doctor will NOT do my medicals one more time. Had my first “time to throw in the towel” episode/tantrum/wallow yesterday. Wasn’t pleasant.
The Kaz process has changed pretty dramatically since I started over a year ago. If I were starting now, I probably wouldn’t. At least not in Kaz. This is part of the changing international adoption scene and risk that you are warned about. And the emotional rollercoaster that you have to be prepared to endure. No one said it would be easy. You think you are prepared, but then a week (month) like this one comes along and you have to wonder. Seems many of us are right here right now – sort of a group freak-out. I’m hoping there is safety and sanity in numbers, rather than the lemming effect! I refuse to let all of this get the better of me – it (whatever “it” is today) is NOT going to win. I want to be a Mom, I want a child to love, and to give a child a forever home. I want a family! I will persevere! ;) Those many old proverbs about the best things coming to those who wait, or the things worth having being the hardest to get, or what doesn’t kill us, will make us stronger – ya’ll know what I mean. To all of us: hang in there, it will all be so incredibly worth it in the end!
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5 comments:
Alysa
I can sympathize with your frustrations, but your right, you want to be a mom, and you are already invested in the process, so try to find the silver lining. It will happen and you will meet your child. Take it from someone who is starting over, its not easy but knowing that at the end of this ride there is going to be the best reward in the world. Hang in there, International Adoption is not easy in any country and unfortunatley they can change the rules at any time. Have faith that this will pass and soon you will be on your way to Kaz to meet your child.
Sandi
Alysa, I wish that I had sage advice to pass along... all I can do is send you you my best thoughts and e-hugs. -Karla
Alysa,
Thanks for the invite to the blog! I hear you and share your pain. We often wish we would have started the whole process sooner (before the China crush!). But here we are and we all have invested so much - there is no turning back now. And all of us in the process still can take comfort in the comments from those home with their children that we'll forget all about these hassles and frustrations once we are home with our children. In the meantime, you do have a wonderful network of supportive PAPs who completely understand what you are going through.
Alysa, first, thanks for all of your thoughtful and timely emails. Please hang in there and don't give up on your dream. It's the one thing you can have control over. All the best, Susan
I hear ya on this Alysa-I hear ya.
My husband is 52 and I have panicked and cried more often than naught-but like you--we're a year into it and looking at redoing everything too. Our regoin, Kostanai, is also very S L O W to issue LOIS' and i know of at least 9 other families also waiting. We hoped to go in May,but that is not to be.
so, we gotta
"accentuate, the positive, eliminate, the negative, act on , the affirmative and don't mess with mr. inbetween.
:)
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