Goodbye, Sweet Merlin

It was inevitable, but I had hoped and prayed it would be many more years before I had to say goodbye to my sweet baby boy, Merlin. His long-term kidney issues finally took their toll on his body and I had to have him put to sleep today. He had been doing great for years (wouldn’t even know he had kidney disease), eating slowed down for about 3 months (and he loved to eat), little rocky for the past month or so, then crashed in the last couple of days. I’m very sad, but I know it was time. In many ways I’m glad the end did come swiftly. I’m also relieved I’m not going to be in Kaz with my new baby boy, yet worrying about my furbaby boy at home.

Merlin was a pound kitty that I adopted nine years ago as a playmate for Callie. I got him after a “disruption” – he had been adopted out, but his fur fell out from stress and they sent him back to the SPCA. That’s when I found him, no fur, kink in his tail, but the cutest little trill, chatter, and cock of the head that won my heart. He came home with me and it has been true love ever since. He was the perfect cat for Callie and for me. I already miss his talking, his head butts, and his otter-like tummy. He dragged his favorite toy up the stairs and dropped it by the bed every night, then would drag it down to my office every morning. He was loving, playful, curious, adorable, fun, sweet, talkative, and spoiled. Callie and I will both feel his absence. My heart hurts to have lost him, but will always have a special place in it just for him.

So goodbye, sweet Merlin, as you journey to that cat tree in the sky. That warm and wonderful place where Grandma will give you way more treats than you need, serve you “lunch” every day, brush you on command, always have the perfect sunny spot to nap, and play dot with you for hours. We will love you forever.

Earthquake Zone

I leave next week to pick up my son. My Son. Wow. That term, that context, it still doesn't seem real. I haven't been able to shake the "surrealness"of this process yet. When I'm in Kaz, it is a different world. What is happening there is not in any way connected to life back in Colorado. You know, sort of like what happens in Kaz, stays in Kaz? And while I am home between trips, it feels like Kaz, well it just happened in Kaz, but is not real here. My two worlds will collide very shortly. I'm expecting a magnitude 9 on the Richter scale, with severe aftershocks for weeks and months to come. But the house won't come tumbling down, just the intangible, and maybe partly tangible, world as I know it. The expectations, the emotions, the exhaustion, the elation. I'm ready. Rock my world, Brady boy!

So while I still have time to sit at the computer and play in the virtual world, here are some pics and (finally!) a video or two from the bonding days.

This is Kara and her daughter Sophia, along with Claudine and her son, Eliya, who celebrated their Gotcha Days last week. The mosquitoes had attacked them both the previous night. Poor babies! Both kids are also from Brady's baby room.




The woman in this video is Kara's Mom. Brady LOVED her! She could make him giggle and squirm all over. If you listen carefully you can hear him giggling as he is crawling. This is from the last (court) trip.





Here is Brady thoroughly enjoying chatting with the sofa throw during our bonding period in early August. He would usually start bouncing, but I was never able to catch it on video, which is kinda sad, because it was very cute.

What's in a Name?

Born in a far away land, waiting for the love and family you so

Richly deserve. A spirited little soul full of giggles and smiles

Answering my prayers and making my

Dreams come true. I wish for you in kind, my son, an

Extraordinary life brimming with love, comfort, and

Never-ending joy.


Kazakhstan has honored me with the gift of you.

You have filled my heart and my soul, and I know my

Love for you will grow with each passing day.

Everything is clearer now that I have found you, a sparkling

Ray of sunshine that will forever brighten my world.

Time Warp

I’m waiting out my 10-hour layover in Almaty at one of my agency’s apartments. Maybe it is just me, but it feels like I stepped into a Jetson’s cartoon or one of those romantic comedies of the sixties. The pictures really don’t do it justice. This is one of the apartments that we can stay in next month. While clean and spacious and it comes with a crib, it somehow just doesn’t feel like home. That may sound weird, but oddly enough that scruffy little apartment in Aqtobe actually does; at least a home away from home. This one does not have a tub and the sinks are very small, so I’m thinking giving a baby a bath could be problematic.

Also want to send a BIG SHOUT OUT to the Serra's -- Susan, Joe, big brother Sean and the adorable baby Leeza -- for a successful court appearance on Wednesday. They don’t need a court to prove they are a family – that has already happened – but they do need the paperwork signed off to get their precious baby girl home to Florida.

As our court dates are only a few days apart, we're hoping we may be in Almaty at the same time next month. I would love to meet another cyber friend in Kaz!!!

The Verdict Is In

My driver, Ceric, said it best: A single gavel-like motion with his fist on the dashboard. “Verdict? Alysa Mama!!”

Wow. Double wow. Okay, OH. MY. GOD!!!! Or maybe more appropriately, THANK YOU, GOD!!!! In another moment of surrealism (and there are many in this process), I became the tentative “official” mother of one little Kazakh baby boy today. The mandatory 15-day appeal period starts tomorrow and at the end of that time, on October 1st, if all goes well, Kairat will be my son.


Wow again. That doesn’t even come close to describing the overwhelming rollercoaster of emotions that have hit me today. Exhilaration, terror, pride, glee, panic, exhaustion, sadness, love, terror, and contentment. At separate times and all at a once and over and over again. As was the “Day of Selection” when I first arrived in Aqtobe on July 22nd, today had many dreamlike qualities.

At 9:30 this morning, Ceric arrived to drive me to court. He wished me good luck and said all would go well. Ainura was waiting on the sidewalk next to the wrought iron fence that surrounds the courthouse. She met us as we parked across the street. In very Kazakh girl fashion, she hooked her arm through mine as we darted back across the street to the building. It was a wonderful show of support. I’m not quite sure who was supporting who, but we were in this together! She confided to not sleeping well last night with pre-court jitters. Yeah, me too. Gulnara also confessed to being a bit nervous as we waited outside the courtroom. Gulnara nervous??!! Aacck! The babyhouse director, a pretty woman that I recognized from other blog photos arrived, along with Mirabet, the MOE Guy that accompanied us to the babyhouses my first day in Aqtobe.

Just before 10am, a gentlemen in jeans and a short-sleeved plaid shirt (I think he was the court clerk) let us into the courtroom and motioned for Ainura to follow him back out. She quickly glanced over her shoulder and said to me, “Don’t worry, I’ll be right back!” Well, whew! Apparently, as a first time translator (or maybe it is each time, I don’t know), she had to take an oath and sign many papers that she would translate accurately the discussion that would ensue.

While we waited I pulled out a little album of photos I had brought of home, friends and family. Gulnara and the babyhouse director looked through it, smiling and making comments. A few moments later, the judge, a woman dressed in a traditional (even by American standards) dark maroon robe entered (we stood) and took a seat behind the U-shaped table in the front of the room. We sat. Gulnara asked for my passport, then the photo album and gave them both to the judge. Then I was motioned to stand and start my speech. No lead in, no “court is now in session,” nothing! So, I recited my speech and Ainura translated. The judge never looked up from the photo album the entire time. When I was finished, I was asked if I had ever been married. Nyet. I was motioned to be seated. The babyhouse director then stood and read a full-couple of pages of information on the baby’s health and backgroun. She was asked a couple of questions, then sat down, and Mirabet stood. He read from some papers for several minutes, answered a question or two, then gave a copy to the judge. The judge asked something else, Gulnara responded, the judge quietly made another comment, then Gulnara rose and went to the front of the room retrieved my passport and headed back our direction with a discrete thumbs up and a smile. That is when Ainura leaned over and said, “The judge has said yes to your request.” That was it. Good thing I didn’t blink or I would have missed it.

It turns out the prosecutor had not arrived on time to the proceedings, but they continued without him. Apparently he is often the reason court can be grueling and can take up to several hours as he examines every document and is looking for even the smallest mistake or reason to protest. He was also why Gulnara was nervous. But, in his absence, it was a breeze. The judge did ask to keep the photo album to show to him, but her decision will still prevail.


Since it was only 10:30 (no kidding), we were then dropped off at the babyhouse for the remainder of the morning visit. Kairat was asleep, but they woke him and brought him to me. That big grin when he saw me had new meaning today and brought tears to my eyes. It is a wonderful feeling to have those big brown eyes look for me now if I move away, or when he pops up on all fours and starts crawling towards me when I walk somewhere else in the room. I firmly believe that even though 6 weeks have passed, those two weeks of bonding were invaluable in laying the groundwork for our relationship.

After the visit, I took Ceric, Gulnara and Ainura to lunch. We were trying for authentic Kazakh cuisine, but somehow the waitress didn’t understand Gulnara’s request and we had something that resembled pizza (very tasty) and a very good cucumber and tomato salad. I truly enjoyed myself as we chatted about Gulnara’s eight grandchildren, Ceric’s six children, and teased Ainura about her boyfriend.

A quick run to the Mosque Mall followed to stock up on more Kaz souvenirs, then back to the babyhouse for my final visit this trip. My baby boy was in fine form. He giggled and squealed and chased (on all fours) everyone across the room as they came and went. What a delight.

I carried him back to his room at the appointed hour, covered him with kisses, shed a couple of tears, then handed a giggly, smiling little boy back to one of his favorite nannies. It warms my heart, and breaks my heart, to see the joy and love on his face when one of his nannies reaches for him. They adore him as well. It fills me with sadness to know he will grieve the warm and loving women that have cared for him during these first months of his life in the only home he has ever known. I am grateful beyond words to each of these women for their kindness and devotion.

In two weeks time, I will return to Aqtobe and we will start our lives as mother and son.
-

A Restful Sunday in Kaz

It poured last night – a really good soaking. Today is mild and fresh and it feels wonderful. Aqtobe is in an arid climate and the constant blowing dust is just part of everyday life. Rain is very welcome.

My morning visit with Kairat (the only visit today) went very well. They fed the babies before bringing them to us this morning, which was a little disappointing. I love to give him his bottle. And I found out (thank you Kelly!) that kefir is not the infamous traditional fermented mare’s milk (that would be koomiz) but is a cow’s milk yogurt-like product. I’m actually happy to hear he has been given a cow milk product already. Hoping that might make the transition to home easier.

He was his playful little self for most of the morning. He was crawling up a storm and just beside himself with glee
(yep, that is a big grin on his face) as he scooted across the floor.

Not long after several sprints across the room, Kairat starting crying. Within a few minutes he was fast asleep in my arms. Quick power nap though. Twenty minutes later he was awake and enjoying watching Elia explore every nook and cranny.

[Don't know what is going on, but the fonts on this post are changing by themselves and I can't fix them!]

Tomorrow at 10:00am is the big event. I wasn’t nervous about court until today. I’m reviewing my speech and taking some deep breaths. It HAS to go well! Assuming all is as planned, I will get to visit Kairat tomorrow afternoon for the last time this trip.

I purchased my ticket today to return to Almaty at 10:50 Tuesday morning. My flight to Frankfurt leaves at 3:20am Wednesday. There really ought to be a law…. ;) I’m going to ask to stay at the transit hotel again, which is only a few hundred feet from the terminal, rather than heading downtown to the very nice and comfortable Hotel Tien Shen like last time. Might as well cut out the long ride and keeping the poor driver up until well after midnight. While not nearly as nice, the transit hotel will do just fine for 10-12 hours. I may upgrade to a room with a bathroom this time, however. Don’t think they have internet service, but I’ll survive. Only downside might be food. The Hotel Tien Shan is adjacent to a nice market, although I think I recall seeing a little “pick up” store in the corner of the transit hotel. I still have some snacks, so I won’t starve. I can always go next door and have some airport food!

Saturday in the Park

Isn’t that an old Chicago tune? Well, it wasn’t exactly a walk in the park, or a picnic today for that matter, but we did go for quite a stroll this morning. We bundled up the babies and headed for the school next door (in total view of the babyhouse) and walked around the track several times. My back was telling me that Kairat has definitely gained some weight! He loves to go outside. He is mesmerized by all there is to see and the cool breeze. Had a nice 20 minutes or so of happy baby. The rest of the day, he was pretty fussy. Again. Not happy being held, not happy being put down, not happy with this toy or that one. But just the opposite the next minute. It was a nice feeling to put him down on the blanket and have him immediately turn around and try to climb back in my arms, even if he was crying the whole way. He is teething like crazy. In the past month, 5 more teeth have come in or are just surfacing. He really isn’t feeling well and his little chest sounds congested all of the time and listening to him breathe is alarming. The head nanny in his baby room confirmed he has had a cold and its getting better every day, however. “Nothing to worry about.” Yeah right! You are talking to a nearly new Mom here! I’m going to be worrying about everything!


That's a 9-month size outfit that I left here last trip and it is too big for him! Looks like I may need to find some 6-month clothes afterall!

I did some court prep today with the coordinator and translator. Court is scheduled for Monday at 10:00am. The translator, Ainura, is very good. While this will be her first time in court (mine too), I have every confidence that she will do just fine. Hope I will do the same! She and I went through my speech this morning and I will give her a copy of it tomorrow so she can work on the translation. I was quite impressed when she just started reading my speech out loud in English and didn’t falter on a single word and definitely understood it. She also told me something wonderful today. She said how “it is like sunshine” for her to see how happy I am with Kairat, along with the other mothers and their babies, and she can’t stop smiling. She didn’t even know that an orphanage existed in Aqtobe and now she is getting to be a part of bringing families together. Very sweet girl.

I confirmed who I needed to give gifts to at the babyhouse, so I can finish up that shopping when I am home. I have decided to leave Aqtobe Tuesday morning and return at the beginning of October. It will likely be a rough couple of weeks our first weeks together in Kaz as we get reacquainted and I learn all about my baby’s wants and needs. Where is that manual, anyway? Or the traveling supernanny?! I need her on speed dial at minimum – 24-hour worldwide tech support please! I can do this, I can do this, I CAN do this!

Back in the Saddle

It’s funny how quickly you fall into the same routine and get “comfy” when coming back to a place that you spent several weeks in previously. I had some money exchanged, water purchased, and groceries stocked within a couple hours of arrival in Aqtobe. Wasn’t able to get an internet card until today, but now I am all set.

My flights were uneventful and on time -- still whining about the very uncomfortable seats on Lufthansa from Denver to Frankfurt though. Wish there was an alternative without adding another stop. Seriously, the Frankfurt to Almaty plane (also Lufthansa) has more leg room and softer seats. Ah well, 10 flights down, only 9 to go. I am having some jetlag issues this trip, which usually isn’t a problem for me. I’ve decided not to fight it and am sleeping whenever I feel the need. So far that isn’t preventing me from also sleeping at night, except while being dive-bombed by mosquitoes. My insect repellent went missing -- more on that later.

I arrived in Almaty at midnight Wednesday and opted to stay at the “transit” hotel adjacent to the airport in order to freshen up a little prior to being back at the airport at 6am for my Aqtobe flight. The room I chose was 7500 Tenge, which is about $68, rather than $18000 Tenge for a "regular" room. Well worth it. And there were elevators! The floor I was on reminded me of a college dorm. Very simple room with two single beds and a sink. The toilets were in a room down the hall; next to that was a shower room. After one look, I decided a shower could wait, but, alas, using the restroom could not. Very thankful for having toilet seat covers and TP with me!

Traveler Tips:

Couple things I wanted to mention to those yet to travel. Be sure to bring a few smaller bills in good condition. If you are with LMI, you will be given a list of items for which you need to pay when you arrive in Almaty and so far the total has always been something other than a denomination of 20. If you can find a couple of 5s and 10s in good condition, bring them!

Also, a few plastic forks, knives, and spoons, and maybe a plastic cup or two have proven valuable. They came in very hand in transit (eating yogurt at the hotel) and before I was able to wash (aka sterilize) the utensils in the apartment.

So this time when I deplaned in Aqtobe, I was met by the ever wonderful driver, Ceric, but no translator. Seems Aina is out sick. Another translator came to my apartment with the regional coordinator in the afternoon. She is very sweet, but very new to the adoption world – I’m her first. Yep, I’m a bit nervous given court is on Monday and she will be the one translating. I was counting on the old pros, but I’m sure everything will be fine.

I am in the same apartment as last trip too, however this time, I had to spend a bit more time scrubbing the place, dishes, etc (sans hot water) before I could even unpack. Also had to replace (and wash) the dirty towels and sheets left behind…. Ugh. Unfortunately, the bags of things I left behind last trip were rummaged through and some things are missing. Mostly kitchen stuff and a new set of sheets I purchased here – conveniences – but very disappointing. The bags were left in a cabinet in Regina’s apartment the day of our departure and I suspect a later tenant (likely not adoption related) helped themselves. I brought several gifts and more baby items this trip planning to leave them as well until needed on the last trip. Thinking that might not be such a good idea now, but no way will it all fit in my suitcase for a return trip to the States.

As for what you really want to know: baby Kairat. We had an interesting visit yesterday. I don’t think he recognized me (didn't think he would) and was very quiet and subdued the entire time. Rather strange. He only smiled a couple of times. He was enamored with watching the other two moms and their babies though, so I’m hoping that was part of the reason for his inactivity. I’m sure part of it is his age – he’s 9 months now – and maybe a little bit of stranger anxiety is setting in, where it likely hadn’t last time. He has 4 more teeth coming in and can now sit by himself without toppling over. Yay Kairat! He definitely has lost some muscle tone though. I guess I didn’t fully realize just how much progress he had made during our bonding period. We have some work to do.

Instead of the bottle of juice and bowl of gruel he used to get in the afternoon, we are each given a large bottle of kefir (fermented horse milk) at each visit and these babies slurp it down in record time. I wonder if this is the new diet, or it is just easier for the babyhouse to manage with 3 of us here. My schedule is 1/2 hour earlier for both visits too, so I can feed him in the morning. Interestingly enough, my afternoon visit is from 3-5, while the other parents are on the old schedule of 3:30 to 5:30. I'm thinking that is due to my driver, not the babyhouse.

It was nice to have someone else in the bonding room. Claudine (from France) and her 14 month old son, Alia (not sure how it is spelled), along with Kara (from Texas), her mom, and her 10-month old daughter Sophia, are waiting out their appeal period now. Gotcha day for both is sometime next week. Claudine is also a single mom, while Kara’s husband is home with their 6 year old son awaiting their return.

This morning, there was a meeting going on in the bonding room, so we were taken to a small stuffy room in another wing. Kairat was still a bit grumpy and distant, but still mesmerized by all of the activity in the room. I'd be grumpy too with 3 layers of clothes in an already warm room. (As a side note, the weather in Aqtobe is much more pleasant this trip -- in the mid 70s.)

At almost exactly 11am, both Kairat and Sophia fell asleep. Seems this is their usual naptime. It was the first time Kairat has fallen asleep when I have been with him. It was very much like someone flipped a switch. I couldn’t stop messing with him though – touching his checks, his little mouth, playing with his fingers, and yes, I woke him up once and he was not happy, but he zonked out again in a matter of seconds.

This afternoon, he was much more the playful baby I remembered and I think recognized me a little. While still not quite Mr. Giggles (except when I gave him back to his nanny), he did venture across the room on all fours and was playing with various toys. He seemed to want to spend a lot of time being held. I think he has a little cold, which explains some of the fussiness.

On My Way to Mommyhood - Round 2

I'm leaving for Kaz again today (Tuesday, 9/9). I'm going back a few days before court which is Monday, 9/15, in order to get "prepped" by the in-country team. I'll be able to rest up a bit over the weekend as well. Currently, it looks like I'll be coming back right after court and returning the first week of October. That may change, so I'm packing to stay longer, just in case. If I stay, I'll be there until the first week of October, then returning home for two to three weeks before heading back to pick up my little Kaz Boy.

Last minute frantic-ness ensues. Why is it I had a month to get ready for this trip and am still running around like a crazy woman?!

Things are looking up on the home front, which is giving me some peace of mind. Merlin is doing a bit better, though still not great, but he is eating more and is playful. Not expecting him to return to full health this round, but at least he is a happy cat once again.

My office WILL be moved much closer to where I live when I return from family leave in December. I'm very grateful for my company's willingness to do this for me. My commute will be in the under 20 minute category during the heaviest traffic, rather than 40+ minutes. After 20 years of 60+ minute commutes in California not so long ago, every minute I can shave off seems like a reason to celebrate.

Best of all, my company is now extending maternity/paternity leave to adoptive parents, so I will have 50% of my salary coming in for six weeks after the adoption is final, rather than nothing, which is what I was expecting! Woo-hoo!!

I'm hoping for smooth sailing at court and happy reunion with my baby boy. Wish me luck!

Positive Thoughts

They say adopting internationally is not for the faint of heart. My heart was good and sturdy, I could do this, no problem. I still can, and still will, but I won't deny many moments of panic, worry, and an overall stress level that has increased exponentially in the last few months. I'm excited to see my baby boy again, REALLY just want to get him home and get on with our lives, but many more steps and at least a couple of months to go.

My horoscope for today read:

There are so many reasons for you to think positively about your life, so try not to focus on just the bad stuff! If you can just stop and let yourself see your life with clear eyes, you should be able to sense a new beginning coming. One that, in turn, that will give you the confidence you need to move into a new direction. Why not take a chance on someone who's new to the scene? Add a bit of risk to your life right now, and you will embark upon a very exciting path.

I'm taping this to my forehead. Or tattooing it on my arm. It's my new mantra; I need to absorb these words, put my worries and what-ifs aside and enjoy these next steps to bringing my son home.

My flights are booked, my visa is in process, petsitter is lined up, and I'm digging through the closet trying to figure out what I'm wearing to court. Lost some weight while in Kaz, now have to see what fits!