Big SHOUT OUT for Christy!

Christy (a fellow LMI single mom-to-be) is on a plane to Aqtobe tonight!! Woo-hoo!!!!!!!!!! I'm so excited for her. And nervous. And hopeful. And, yes, she is going to Aqtobe (Aktobe? I still don't know) to meet her baby. She got her LOI on Tuesday and (count 'em) FIVE days later she is on her way to Kaz.

I'll be anxiously checking her blog every day to see how things are going for her, get glimpses into life in Aqtobe and find out everything I can about what lies ahead. I'm so grateful that Christy is such a generous woman and allows so many of us to tag along via cyberspace on her very personal and overwhelming journey. I CANNOT WAIT to see pictures of her baby girl! Go Christy!

Fun Fact #1

Aktobe has FIVE (5) vodka "factories" according to a couple whose blog I just read. And apparently the Russian word for water is very close to that of vodka, so when asking for water.... ;)

Relative Choices

This is an interesting op/ed article found by my fellow AAKAP (anxiously awaiting Kaz adoptive parent); the comments even more so. Check it out.

http://relativechoices.blogs.nytimes.com/2007/12/04/blood-ties-and-acts-of-love/

Toyland

I'm laughing at myself tonight. I haven't bought a crib, or a stroller, or a carseat, or any other "gear" yet, but oh boy have I been buying toys! And having so much fun doing it! And books. Many, many books.

BTW, what is it with toys these days? EVERYTHING is electronic, requires batteries and makes NOISE -- LOTS of noise??!

My plan really is to bring them out in small installments, not all at once. It's been all I can do to not play with them every night. ;)

Comments

Believe it or not, this is an interactive site! You can leave comments by clicking on the "comments" link in the lower right corner of each post. I'd love to read your comments (tired of just listening to myself!), so feel free to leave as many as you'd like!

To-do List

Making myself crazy with all the things I still need to do before February, and kicking myself for not getting some of this done before now!

• Investigate (hopefully find!) in-home daycare
• Find an international adoption doctor and have pre-travel consult
• Meet with international adoption clinic at Children's Hospital in Denver
• Read up on medical issues/child development to be better prepared to "choose" my child
• Order money (wish it were that easy!) that's brand spankin' NEW bills -- uncirculated
• Get the rest of my shots/antibiotics for travel
• Do all my travel paperwork! This means redoing some in my dossier so they are current when I travel
• Find and buy travel insurance (worth money to get out of dodge in a medical emergency)
• Figure out all the communication stuff -- phone and internet access while in Kaz
• Line up petsitters, stock up on pet stuff, and get Merlin's teeth cleaned
• Mentioning teeth -- go to dentist myself
• Get my other medical appts out of the way -- optometrist, female stuff, etc.
• Figure out how to pay bills (some utilities here don't have online options -- what century is this?), stop mail, etc. while I'm out of the country
• Get my Colorado driver's license (ahem, yes, little late in getting this one done!)
• Find out what I need to do for Family Leave from work
• Learn some basic Russian and Kazakh
• Finish the nursery (loooong way to go on this one!)
• Stain the maple chests of drawers I "invested" in for the kid's room
• Buy all the kid gear (many sublists for this one!)
• Buy travel stuff (sublists for this one too)
• Buy gifts/donations for in-country staff and baby house folks
• Buy coat/boots and other subzero temp clothes

...and then there are the house projects:

• finally get the interior of the house repainted
• buy furniture! (family room, dining room, kitchen chairs, etc.)
• install new kitchen sink/faucet
• install new light fixtures (have 1, need to order 3)
• order rug for family room
• babyproofing -- gates, cabinets, doors, locks, strap furniture, etc.
• hang some pictures on my bare walls!
• strip wallpaper and paint my bathroom
• replace carpet in "water closet" -- I'm hoping for a boy afterall ;)

Now throw Christmas in the mix and, oh yeah, year end at work, which is the busiest time! I've already thought of another 10-12 things I need to do before becoming a Mom, but something, or many things, aren't going to get done. Time is running short. Tick, tick.

Electronics

Along with the bazillion things I need (okay, some are "want") to buy in preparation for my child's arrival, I also needed to acquire some electronics for the trip to Kaz. So, in the last couple of weeks, I bought a new camera, a camcorder, and speakers for my laptop.

My very nice digital Olympus is only 4 years old, but big and heavy, and size and weight matter now. I bought a smaller Canon at a good price and it will be much easier to tote to the babyhouse every day. Of course, now I also need a new case and memory card.... ;)

Picked up the camcorder today. I ended up, after a ton of research, getting a Panasonic and discovered camcorders are more expensive than I had originally thought -- at least for a fairly good one. It has a hard drive and also can use an SD card. Figured between the two I should be able to upload to email. I'll need the video to send to the IA doctor back in the states for the medical eval. Need a case for this too! And then a DVD burner.... but that can wait til I get home.

And lastly (for the moment anyway), I ordered some portable mini-speakers that I can attach to my laptop while in Kaz. There are two, but due to space/weight contraints, I will likely just take one. They haven't arrived yet, but I'm hoping will sound better than the laptop speaker. I don't have an iPod (and don't really want one), so figured this will be good way to listen to cd's and watch movies.

Now just have to practice, practice, practice with them all before I leave!

The Baby House

In my blog-reading frenzy and from what I have been told by my agency, there are two orphanages in Aqtobe (known as "baby houses") that have children in the age range I will consider -- under 2 years. One is for babies up to 1 year old, the other is for 1-3 year olds. As I'm asking for a little boy, healthy and young as possible, I will hopefully be going to the first one. Here are some pictures of one of those baby houses -- likely the toddler house. Ymit in Kazakh (or Russian?) means "hope" and many of the Kaz orphanages have this name. Very appropriate.

Aqtobe

So, a little about the region where my baby lives. Aqtobe (Aktobe, Aktyubinsk) -- pronounced ock-too-bay with the emphasis on the "too" (depending on who you ask) is a rather remote city (2.5 hours flying time in a puddlejumper from Almaty) in the northeastern part of the country. (Thanks for the graphic, Christy! ;))Aktobe is also the name of the province in which the provincial capital (Aktobe, the city) sits with a population of more than 340,000. The province itself has a population 678,900. The province is 300,600 square kilometers (no idea what that is in miles), making it the second largest province of Kazakhstan. Aktobe Province borders Russia to the north and Uzbekistan to the south, and also borders six other Kazakh provinces. The Ilek River, a tributary of the Ural River, flows through the province. The name "Aktobe" comes from Kazakh "Аk" (white) and "rebe" (hill); supposedly Aktobe's initial settlers were able to see white mountains far to the north. The city was originally founded as a Russian fortress in 1891. It is now a major ranching and agricultural region, but energy resources make up the industry. Here's the wiki-link for more info if you're interested: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aktobe

Blog has to go private soon

In order to protect my adoption process, I need to make my blog private very soon until after my child is home. I'll be password protecting it in a few days. If you would still like to follow along, please leave me a comment with your email address or send me an email at bc4alysa@yahoo.com and I'll send you an invite. To post a comment, just click on the Comments link in the lower right corner of the post.

My baby is in Aqtobe!

After several discussions with Andrea (my hand-holding, sanity-saving coordinator at LMI) and a few days of agonizing and just as many sleepless nights, I've decided to travel blind to meet my baby in Aqtobe. Best guess for when I'll head to Kaz is mid to late February.

More later!

Halloween 2007

I had so much fun passing out candy last night! This is the first time in nearly 20 years that I have lived in a place where the kids go door to door trick-or-treating. I decorated the front porch, complete with motion-detecting creepy noisy things, and had a big bowl of candy that seemed to be a hit. The kids were adorable, especially one little pink CareBear and one little green dinosaur, neither of which could even manage to say trick or treat! I think I had close to 60 kids come by. It is wonderful to know that at least one thing I enjoyed as a kid still happens where I live.

And let me tell you, all I could think about is that next Halloween I will have a little "pumpkin" of my own! Maybe too young to trick or treat, but not too young for Mom to dress him up and show him off. I can't wait!

Projects

Still haven't bought a crib, but did buy a couple of chests of drawers for my child's room -- unfinished maple. I got tired of seeing the price tags on truly crappy furniture made in Malaysia, or wherever, and decided to get something that will last for years. Staining them will make for a fun project some weekend in the next couple of months. And someday I might get the room painted!

A Beautiful Country

Pilfered some photos of Kazakhstan while doing some online research.

These are of Almaty -- the former capital and largest city. Almaty is in the southeastern part of the country.

This one is of some little fishermen in (I think) Astana, which is the capital and in the northern region.

This is of the mountain region outside of Almaty (almost puts the Rockies to shame!):

The area in the eastern part of Kazakhstan is known as The Steppe, or the wastelands. Still amazing.

How do you say "bratty cat" in Russian?

My coordinator just let me know my dossier is on its way to be translated into Russian! Woo-hoo! I know they have had a ton of dossiers come in recently, so not sure how long it will take, but expect only a week or two. Making progress! Gotta wonder how some of that homestudy stuff will translate....

Anna -- you could make a fortune doing this, let me tell you!

Uh-oh! That's so sad...

I've been taking a mini Parenting with Love and Logic class over the past few Saturdays. The little "Uh-oh! That's so sad" song is going through my head constantly. I like the concepts behind this parenting method and want to learn more about how to apply it.

The class is held at my homeowner's association community center. There are 12 people signed up, 4 of which are adopting! Myself, my friend, Deb, and a couple adopting from China. We are still waiting parents and it is fun to listen to how these techniques work for the folks in the class as they try them out on their kids.

I can only practice on the cats at the moment. Doesn't seem to be working.... ;)

Dossier is on it's way!!!

At 6:33pm this evening, I hustled into FedEx Kinko's and handed over the box containing my dossier. The poor woman didn't realize what a monumental occasion this was. She was even more confused when I suddenly and quite unexpectedly welled up, said thanks, and ran back out the door! After several weeks of redoing many of my documents, I'm hoping this is it -- it's finally off my desk and on it's way to Kazakhstan!

Dossier, again. Literally.

I'm beginning to wonder if my dossier is EVER going to leave my house!

Because of the delays that started with my homestudy agency, various other of my dossier documents are starting to "expire." The vast majority of documents cannot be more than 6 months old when they are sent to the Kaz Consulate in New York for approval and I am still 2 steps away (translate as several weeks) from submitting them. My FBI background check clearance will be expiring soon and it takes at least 3 weeks to obtain a current one, so by the time it comes back, other documents will be nearing their expiration -- domino effect. So, I'm redoing 90% of my dossier. ARRRGGGH! The expense, but mostly the time lost is very frustrating.

At the rate I'm going, all those little winter jackets and clothes I've bought will be out of season when I finally travel.

Adopters everywhere!

I know I am now more in tune to the "adoption" world, but it seems that everywhere I go these days I'm running into someone that has adopted or has a family member or close friend that his or is adopting. It's just weird. Every time I go to the paint store (Guiry's, my new weekend home away from home) someone has or is adopting, be it the designer who adopted domestically 15 years ago, or the woman that was trying to find the perfect yellow (beware!) for her dining room, who adopted a little girl from China 7 months ago. And in the local homeowner's association newsletter this month, they had a notice for an upcoming garage sale for which they need donations of quality items to help raise money for a couple that is in the process of adopting from Vietnam. And that is just the tip of the iceberg!

A couple of weeks ago, I went to a local gathering of single women who have all adopted from Kazakhstan. It was wonderful to meet these moms and their adorable children, to hear their adoption stories, and to know they are there to support each other as single moms, adoptive moms, and just a warm and caring group of women. I feel so lucky to have found them.

Shopping, shopping, shopping!

Still haven't started on my child's room, but have been having some fun buying "stuff." I'm good at buying stuff. I should have learned my lesson after having moved less than a year ago, but... oh well. So I now have a big plastic tub full of clothes: little jackets, overalls, shirts, pants, etc. and interestingly enough, they are 95% boy clothes. :-) And bought more toys: airplanes, trains, wagons, and all kinds of fun things. I can't wait to play with them!

A new friend of mine in a nearby town is also adopting from Kaz (we're at about the same place, process-wise) and she already has her nursery finished and chock full of good stuff! She also knows all the best consignment stores for stocking up. I was leary at first, but after finding the cutest little clothes in perfect condition (some brand new) and priced in $3-7 range, I'm a believer! I guess it is true that kids never wear their baby clothes out, they just grow out of them. My dilemma is size and season; will he/she be a he or a she, and in 12 month or 2T clothes, and will it be winter or spring when I'm there and when we come home? I've also discovered that gender neutral clothes don't exist beyond the 6-month sizes! But at those prices, I'm not too worried, either way. I can sell them all back to the consignment stores in the end.

Still looking for a crib and other nursery furniture. I'd like a chest/dresser that will last beyond the baby years, but they are all either cheaply made or pretty expensive. Even went to the local unfinished furniture store and found exactly what I want, but having a hard time justifying a $600 chest of drawers for a young child! I could, on the other hand, put my heavy solid oak chests of drawers in the kid's room and buy new ones for myself. Hmmm, now that's a thought!

Dossier... not quite yet!

More delays with the dossier. Finally got all my documents, but discovered a problem with the notarization of the homestudy social worker's license. Apparently it needs to be the same notary that signed the homestudy. Which just leads to more problems, since that person is no longer with the agency. Lucky me, though, I know where to find her, and being the wonderful person she is, she is going to help me out by notarizing it correctly. Woo-hoo! So maybe, just MAYBE, by the end of this week, my dossier will be off to LMI for review. Only 3 months behind schedule. So in doing the math, it will be 2008 before I'll be traveling anywhere to find my child.

Money, money, and more money!

Or less money, actually, in my checking account. The last few weeks have been expensive.

First, the cat update. After 3 vets and a total expenditure in the 4-digits within one week, Merlin appears to be doing fine. Seems that tripling his sub-q's (the first vet's direction) just about did him in. He got much sicker and was at an emergency vet, then a very pricey (but excellent) specialty clinic. All to find out he is exactly as he should be, given his kidney issues. The only thing I was not able to get any more info on, is his anemia situation. The Merlin-meister turned into Cujo at the specialty clinic. They claimed he was "one of the worst we've had, and if he could kill us right now, he would!" Even after a shot of kitty Xanax, they weren't able to get enough blood to do all his labs. He has always hated the vet and 3 in 1 week obviously exceeded his limit.

Second, the painting. After months of agonizing over the paint color, and no less than 40 sample-sizes of Benjamin Moore paint, and having 20 painted posterboards taped to my walls for a few weeks, I finally dove in and the painters transformed the interior of my house from the stark builder-white to.... a horrid custardy yellow! And only for a whopping expenditure in the mid 4-digit territory. And the worst part is, it WAS the color I chose. Who knew it would look so awful when it was floor to ceiling (2 stories) and almost everywhere? So now I have to decide whether to live with it (ugh) or redo it (cha-ching). Next on the list is dining and family room furniture (don't have any), lamps, and new light fixtures. Well, maybe not. Sigh.

Merlin

Merlin (one of my fur babies) had to go to the vet today for a check-up. He has had kidney problems for several years, but has been doing fine for quite awhile. He is still doing fine from all appearances (just shooed him off his climbing foray through my office bookshelves), but his bloodwork showed his values are elevated. So, we triple his daily dosage of subcutaneous fluids for a few days and see how he responds. That is the fun process of sticking a needle under his skin and letting the solution drip in -- helps flush the kidneys -- which I've been doing daily for 3 years now. If it doesn't work? Well, not good. Keeping my fingers and toes crossed and sending up all kinds of prayers that he will snap back this time, just as he has the other times. He's used up many of his 9 lives already, but I think he still has several to go. Besides, he needs to be here to welcome home his little brother or sister with a few headbutts and a snuggle or two.

Finally!

The I171H form arrived yesterday! Woo-hoo! This is the approval from US immigration to bring an adopted foreign child home as a US citizen. Now for a quick run through the pile of documents with my agency coordinator, then off they go to the Colorado Secretary of State to be apostilled, then it's time to send them off to Kaz. There are many steps in that process too, but for today, I'm just happy to have made it this far!

Killing Time

So what am I doing while I'm waiting and waiting for my I171H to arrive? Besides working, I'm trying to get my house fixed up. I have at least 15 different shades of beige painted on a couple of walls (and still can't decide which one I want to use), have a completely empty family room with new wood floors (currently known as "the ballroom" -- the cats hate it), and have blotchy refinished wood floors in the kitchen that pains me to look at, and am in a seemingly neverending and fruitless search for the perfect sofa and loveseat, along with loads of other furniture that I need for this house. Also trying to figure out how I want to decorate my future child's room.

I thought all this house stuff would be done by Fall and I'd have a few months to enjoy it before I was off to Kaz, but instead I'm barely started and starting to stress! This was supposed to be fun!!! Sigh. I guess I'd better enjoy it anyway, because soon enough the house really isn't going to matter, and anything I don't get done will likely never happen, or at least not until my child is out of daycare!

Grrrrr.

As I expected, Immigration was never sent my homestudy. After several weeks of inquiring with my homestudy agency, I finally had that fact confirmed by the supervisor of the orphan petition section at USCIS in Denver. So, nasty phone call made to homestudy agency and finally found someone there willing to take ownership to get my stuff processed. Yeah Christy! She's my new advocate and calls at least every couple of days with an update. She also pleaded and begged and offered up homemade cookies to the application processors. They claim they are reviewing my homestudy today! Progress! We'll see.

Update

Waiting, waiting, waiting.... for my I171H approval from US Immigration. Should have been here by now. I called my homestudy agency last Thursday to see if they had heard from them (i.e. questions on the homestudy) and they pulled my file: no record of the homestudy having been submitted to USCIS. And it should have been sent the first week of June! They are checking with the local USCIS office and I should hear today. I have to call them, of course. Grrr. If they failed to send it in, then my entire adoption just pushed out another 2 months, AND I will probably have to redo every one of my dossier documents, because they will all have expired. I am hoping it is just the homestudy agency's lousy recordkeeping, but I have a bad feeling. Anger is an understatement, and livid is just the beginning if I find out they never the sent the thing in.

On a happier note, Kohl's had a 50% off sale in their little toy department. I cleaned out the Fisher-Price section. :)

Daycare

Oh boy! Stopped by KinderCare last week, just to get some information. I found out that there is a waiting list and the infant rooms are booked until at least February! Wow! I've heard mention of waiting lists, but I guess I was thinking it was more of a California phenomenon and they wouldn't be booked over 6 months in advance here. So, I have to get on this daycare thing pronto -- explore the options and get on the waiting lists.

I was given a tour of KinderCare by the assistant director and I was impressed. The place was spotless, the kids all seemed to be enjoying themselves, and the "teachers" were very friendly and answered all my questions. I really liked the woman taking care of the 5 little cuties under 18 months in one of the infant rooms. She was about my age and had just moved here from California! They were all sitting quietly at a miniature table eating crackers and drinking juice from sippy cups when I was there. Just adorable.

I'm still debating the pros and cons between daycare centers and in-home daycare. Still more investigating to do and it has now certainly moved up on the priority list!

Which child is mine?

Many regions in Kazakhstan do not allow referrals and require parents to "travel blind." Here is what I understand about the process.

A referral is what more commonly occurs in international adoption. Based on your criteria, a child is chosen for you, you are presented with a photo and/or video, and available medical information about the child. Based on this "referral" information, you make a decision whether or not to accept and travel to visit the child. You don't have to make the decision to formally adopt until after you have met the child in person, but the intent is that you will.

In Kazakhstan, "traveling blind" is preferred by the government. Your criteria is reviewed in-country, when it is determined by the facilitator that children meeting your criteria in a certain region are available, you are issued a letter of invitation to travel to Kaz to select a child. This sounds a bit like shopping at the pet store, but actually not. What happens is that you go to the baby house and are shown a child that is selected by the baby house director. You spend a short amount of time (usually only 15-20 minutes) with the child, then are asked if you want to bond with that child. You can say yes, or you can ask to see additional children. If there are other children that fit what you are looking for at that orphanage, you will be shown another child. From what I understand, most parents don't see more than 3-4 kids during this process and almost always identify the child that is meant to be theirs almost immediately upon meeting them. Medical information is only translated and given to you to review after you have selected a child for bonding. You then can have the medicals and photos/video you take reviewed by an international adoption doctor in the US.

And a bit about the bonding process, which is the same regardless of whether you get a referral or travel blind: The 2-week bonding period is required by Kazakhstan law. You visit your child once or twice a day for a few hours so you can get to know the child and the child can get to know you. This is also how the orphanage director "observes" you with the child, so she can make a recommendation to the judge. Once you decide to "bond" with a certain child, you sign some additional paperwork and no one else is shown "your" child. At anytime during this period, you can change your mind. You are encouraged to do so early on and mainly for medical reasons, although not mandatory. After the bonding period, you go before the court to declare your desire to adopt the child. Still doesn't become final for another couple of weeks, but more about that later.

I think the bonding period is invaluable for me and the child. It is one of the primary reasons I chose Kaz. You aren't the complete stranger yanking the baby away from all he/she has likely ever known. It is still traumatic, but a much easier adjustment for the child. And you also get to know the baby and can make a more informed decision based on your interaction with him/her. I'm leaning towards traveling blind. Referrals are still available in Kaz, but it is not unheard of that a referral is "lost" to other parents by the time you travel to visit. I also like the idea of choosing my own child, even though the kids you are shown are actually chosen for you! I guess it is partly the principle of the thing. It's also the scariest and most stressful part of this entire process. How do you go about picking a child?! A worry for a different day.

The Library. Amazon loves me!

As they say "knowledge is power." What they don't say is that it can scare the hell out of you and keep you awake at night! Here's the list of books so far, in no particular order; it continues to grow and will eventually contain books for my kid as well. Any recommendations on parenting, adoption topics, or child development/medical books are appreciated!

• Adopting on Your Own, L. Varon
• Cross-Cultural Adoption, A. Coughlin and C. Abramowitz
• The Post-Adoption Blues, K. Foli and J. Thompson
• A Love Like No Other, P. Kruger and J. Smolowe
• Beyond Good Intentions, C. Register
• Our Own, T. Maskew
• Talking with Young Children about Adoption, M. Watkins and S. Fisher
• Attaching in Adoption, D. Gray
• Toddler Adoption - The Weaver's Craft, M. Hopkins-Best
• Once in Kazakhstan, K. Rosten
• Lifebooks - Creating a Treasure for the Adopted Child, B. O'Malley
• Adoption Parenting, J. McLeod and S. Macrae
• Best Baby Products, Consumer Reports
• 55,000+ Baby Names. B. Lansky
• Russia - A Quick Guide to Customs and Etiquette
• Caring for Your Baby and Young Child - Birth to Age 5, S. Shelov
• What to Expect - the Toddler Years, A. Eisenberg, H. Merkhoff, S., Hathaway
• Kazakhstan - Coming of Age, M. Fergus

Adoption Terminology

There is an entire language around adoption, some follow it some don't, but below are a few terms that I find worthwhile:

• PAP -- prospective adoptive parent (that's me right now!)


• parent -- not adoptive parent


• the child -- never the "adopted child" -- adoption is only a process and ultimately an event; it is how the child becomes part of my family, but does not define the child


• birth or biological mother/father -- not the "real" mother/father -- I will be the child's mother and I'm real


• birth or biological children -- not "own" children


• child placed for adoption -- not an unwanted child

When will your child be home?

Well, wish I knew. EVERYONE is asking and I don't have a good answer. The one thing to expect in the adoption process is the unexpected. Anything can change and cause delays. The voice in my head says early 2008. My placement agency coordinator said by the end of the year, but that was over a month ago. Frankly, I'm kind of not asking at this point. It will happen when it happens and not much I can do about it in the meantime. Just one more thing to stress about. Besides, I have many house projects planned, then have to start on the kid's room. I think the time will fly; I can't believe I have been in Colorado for over 7 months already! But, just in case, keep all your fingers and toes crossed that I'll be a mom by Christmas!

Homestudy. Again.

Although my homestudy was signed off and considered done over a week ago, I discovered a bunch of errors when I went to pick up the notarized copy for my dossier. I got in touch with my social worker and we got it fixed. Problem now though, is the lead social worker that has to sign off on all homestudies only signs on Thursdays, and my revised homestudy didn't get to her in time. And it also seems, my placement agency wasn't sent a copy for the final review either. So now (keep your fingers crossed) it is this week. Two weeks after it was supposedly finished. The homestudy is on the critical path for everything else. Sigh. All part of the process I guess.

Fur Babies

Jealous spats are increasing in frequency at my house, and all too often on my bed in the middle of the night! I wonder how Callie and Merlin are going to handle a new addition: a screaming, rambunctious toddler who gets all of Mommy's attention? It will be a BIG adjustment for us all!

Parent Training

The state of Colorado requires 24 hours of "parent" training for international adoption. This isn't the "how do you change a diaper" or "taming temper tantrums" kind of training (which I need too), but rather adoption specific issues like attachment, bonding, and orphanage delays. I went to the third class today and the discussion included sign language (basic signs to help bridge the language barrier) and inter-racial adoption.

While it will be easy and in my nature to love a child of a different ethnicity, raising a child from a different race in this world isn't as simple. Many things to think about and to prepare for -- for myself and my child.

Answering the Questions

Many people are asking me questions related to the why and how of my adoption plans. Following are several posts in which I have tried to give a brief answer to the most common questions. Feel free to ask more and I will keep on posting! Gives me something to do while I wait for the paper process to come to an end.

Why don't you just have a baby?

Okay, so it might be cheaper and take less time (so they say!), but I want to be a Mom and that doesn't require giving birth. At my age, getting pregnant, staying pregnant, and delivering a healthy baby and staying healthy myself during the process has only a small chance of succeeding. I could go through the sterile and impersonal process of selecting a donor from a list, spend thousands of dollars being impregnated, and still not have a child in the end. While adoption has its risks, I WILL have my own baby in the end. Someone on one of the Yahoo! Groups I belong to said it well: "My child is growing in my heart, not in my body."

What do you have to do to adopt?

More like, what don't I have to do! In a nutshell, I have to have approvals to adopt from the state, US immigration, the Kazakhstan government, and finally the Kazakhstan judge. The process starts with a "homestudy" performed by a state social worker (which requires intense scrutiny of my entire life to date) , then I have to submit a ton of paperwork (my "dossier") to the Kazakhstan government. The paperwork necessary for both the homestudy and dossier include criminal background checks from local police departments as well as the FBI and state child abuse registries, financial, employment, medical evaluations, references, guardian affidavits, etc. Literally over 30 documents that have to be compiled, exactly to the letter, notarized, and apostilled (a verification by the Secretary of State that the notary is authentic). And because some of the documents (especially fingerprints) have to be current when I travel to Kaz, I'll have to do some of them again in a few months. Then they all have to be translated into Russian! They call this the "paper pregnancy." And to go with the paperwork, I get to write nice fat checks to the agencies! Painful, but worth the agony in the end.

Why don't you adopt a child in the US?

The statistics go something like this: for every baby available for adoption in the US, there are 800 couples wanting to adopt. Simply put, there are not that many healthy children available to single parents in the US. Additionally, many US adoptions are for fostered children, as the US tries to keep children with birth parents and families and only makes a child available for adoption if that proves impossible after many years in the "system." Many of these children have been in abusive situations and need a lot of special attention once placed. The other alternative is the "open" adoption, which is very popular here, where the adoptive parents know the birth mother and she may continue to be involved in the child's life. Other factors with US adoption are the length of time it can take -- many years -- and that birth parents can often "reclaim" children even after an adoption is considered final. For all of these reasons, I have chosen to adopt internationally as many other singles choose to do.

Why Kazakhstan?

There are only a handful of countries that are "open" to single, older women adopting. I considered China, Russia, Guatemala, Ukraine, and several other Eastern European countries. After doing tons of research, I decided on Kazakhstan because they have an established international adoption process (nearly 600 children a year are adopted by US parents), the orphanages are better than in many countries, the government requires a mandatory 2-week bonding period with the child before the adoption can be finalized, and you get to choose the child, rather than one being referred to you. I'll post more on this process as I prepare for it and go through it, but these things were important to me and felt right in comparison to my other options.