Changing Dynamics

There has been an interesting thread on the Single Kaz Moms Yahoo group the past few days. Many of the SKMs are discovering how their relationships, often with their previously closest friends and even relatives, have or are changing dramatically once they become or have decided to become parents. Changing to the point of being lost or nearly lost, not just due to the all-consuming life of being a new parent, but also because of the other person's reaction to your decision to be a mom. I've had the same experience even though my child isn't home yet, so I can completely relate. It's unfortunate, but seems to be commonplace when major life changes occur. I guess you find out who your friends really are and what kind of friend you are willing and able to be. I remind myself that these "friends" are the ones that are losing -- they are missing out on being a part of my child's life. I look forward to the new friends and relationships that will certainly come (and are already forming!) as "Mom" becomes part of who I am.

The following is from a post by another SKM that sums up one aspect of post-adoption life rather well.

"The nitty gritty real world struggle of earning a living and being there 24x7 for children is intoxicating and demanding and totally unlike being a non-parent. I think most people who haven't parented just don't get it at all. ... Communicating with people in the other dimension is like standing on two trains that occasionally pass each other and yelling hello!"

Skype ready!

Got Skype installed and working! Woo-hoo! Skype is a voice-over-IP application that you can install on your laptop for free and as long as you have speakers and a microphone (or in my case a headset that plugs into the laptop), you can make calls to anyone over the internet. And better yet, you can call anyone that also has Skype installed for FREE!!! This is huge when calling from Kaz. Have to prearrange a time to chat, but that is doable. I will prepay for some Skype time and then I can also call a regular phone at very cheap rates. Love it! www.Skype.com My good friend Lyle installed it on his Mac Sunday and we tested it out. He said I sounded "perfect." But of course! ;)

Rocket Science

From my soon-to-be ex-doctor, who, along with her staff and office notary are incapable of filling out and notarizing the very simple medical forms correctly that I need for travel:

"We will not be able to complete your adoption paperwork again... This paperwork is totally outside of our usual paperwork and it has taken an inordinate amount of my personal and my staff's time to complete. The details that are required for the paperwork are not standard and even a U.S. legal document would not require the details that you have expected from us. We are a medical office, we are not an attorney's office. We are unable to spend any more time on this issue."

All I asked is that they print the forms on letterhead, fill everything out, spell out the month when they write the date, and don't put the notary stamp over anything. Took them 4 tries to do it right for my dossier, and apparently it is impossible this time around. So, I have an appointment Wednesday and will pay (again) to see her, along with my notary, for what I hope is the last time. Wish me luck.

Pre-Travel Consult

I met with one of the clinicians at the International Adoption Clinic at the brand new Children's Hospital facility for well over an hour today. I feel so much better now that I have talked to a live person, reviewed the growth and development charts and received lots of advice to help me evaluate the children I'm shown. She also went over the suggested drugs to take with me for the baby, complete with dosage instructions. I can email them the medical info and pictures while I'm in Kaz and they will respond within a couple of days. Unfortunately, trying to get a phone consult with them while I'm traveling I was told is nearly impossible. But, since the fee for the initial consult also includes the travel review, I'll send stuff to them anyway as a backup plan. I'll definitely be taking baby Kaz to the clinic a few months after we get home for a full evaluation.

So, for the travel consult, I've also decided to use Dr. Boris Skurkovich with Hasbro Children's Hospital in Rhode Island. He is a native Russian, recommended by LMI and many adoptive parents, and available on his cell for consult.

Whew! One more decision and preparation for travel made!

Time flies

Noticed the little tracker at the top of my blog the other day and my journey to my child had passed the one year mark. And that was just since submitting my application to LMI; it actually started over a year prior to that. It's amazing. It seems like yesterday that I was still in California, working in my garden under the redwoods, having "staff meetings" at the local watering hole with my good friends and coworkers, and spending all night on the internet investigating the world of international adoption. Fast forward to now, in a different job, a different state, a different house, driving a different car, new friends added to the roster, and with a largely different life, waiting for my LOI, knowing that the biggest change is yet to come. The old saying "wherever you go, there you are" still holds true, but "there" is looking a whole lot different these days. I welcome the change and am getting more excited by the day for what the future holds.

Courage

I love this quote from Emerson. I read it every so often when people say things that make me doubt this path I'm on. It reminds me that my path is just that, mine.

"Whatever course you decide upon, there is always someone to tell you that you are wrong. There are always difficulties arising which tempt you to believe that your critics are right. To map out a course of action and follow it to an end requires...courage."~ Ralph Waldo Emerson, 1803-1882

Money doesn't grow on trees

A lesson learned, once again. On three separate occasions, twice in the past 3 months (and at least that many times by the bank manager), I was told that ordering crisp new uncirculated bills (required in Kaz) was NOT going to be a problem. So, of course, when I stopped at the bank last week to make that large deposit and order the money, it's a problem. The NEW bank manager informed me that, yes, they do order money twice a week, but they get what they get. "There is no box to check for new bills." Well, fabulous! Then she proceeds to tell me that they had a bunch of new bills the week before, knew they had a customer that needed them, but couldn't remember my name. Arrrggghh!

Next she asked me if I had checked with the Mint (we have one of those in Denver). I tried (not quite successfully) not to laugh. I don't think I'd make it through the metal detectors at the airport, let alone be able to walk with that many quarters in tow. The Bureau of Engraving and Printing gives us our paper money.

Well, lo and behold, this week she calls me and says, "Oh, well, when I asked, and told them it was for an international adoption, they said of course!" And my money was on the armored car protected by the big guy with a gun and his trusty side kick the German Shepherd, the next day. I emptied the bank account and filled the safe deposit box, but not before signing a waiver releasing the bank of all liability for giving me cash. Huh??! It better be the real thing.

Pens and Needles

Finished up my medical visits last week and had yet another HIV test (no worries there, just required to be current for Kaz), got the last of my other travel shots, and filled my prescriptions for the travel drugs. So, to date I've had the following vaccinations -- all recommended by the CDC and other APs for Kaz:

• TDap -- Tetanus -Diptheria
  
• MMR -- Measles, Mumps, Rubella (I had this as a kid but from the era that they weren't too effective
  
• Hep A series
• Hep B series
• Flu (thought I was traveling in February, but good to get anyway)
• Typhoid -- oral "vaccine"

And I've got my Cipro just in case. I think I've outdone my cats on the highest number of shots in the least amount of time!

Supposed to pick up the signed, notarized medical, HIV, and doctor's license forms today. Then, amazingly enough, I think I'll have ALL my travel documents! Still waiting on some apostilles (California is notoriously slow), but am feeling a little less stressed about being behind the 8-ball on paperwork. Yahoo!

Packing List

I've compiled my packing list (gleaned from several lists from AP's and LMI) for my first trip. I will be staying in an apartment and am not planning on taking anything to bring the kid home or the "gifts" this trip. I'm limited to one big checked suitcase, one carry-on suitcase, and one hand-carry item, and 44 lbs total. Ain't gonna happen!

For those of you that have BTDT, what do I leave behind???!!

1. Big suitcase (26")
2. Rolling Carry-on (20") with laptop compartment
3. Tote/carry-on bag
4. Small purse (tiny and lightweight)
5. Clothes:
   Coat
   Pants (2) – jeans and lightweight fabric
   Shirts (3) and (1) sweatshirt or fleece pullover
   Knit sweatpants
   Pajamas
   Undies (3 pr)
   Socks (3 pr)
   Tank/T-shirt
   Business suit/blouse
   Walking shoes/slip on shoes
   Shoes for suit
   Slippers
   
6. Toiletries:
   Hair products (sample size)
   Toothpaste/brush
   Makeup
   Lotion – body and face
   Eye drops
   Saline / contacts
   Girl stuff
   Comb/brush
   Drugs:
   Pepto, Pepcid, Immodium
   Tylenol, Advil
   Cold, sinus, cough drops
   Migraine, Cipro, prescriptions
   Dramamine, ginger
   vitamins
   
7. Jewelry (2-3 pair earrings, watch, bracelet)
8. Glasses/reading glasses/sunglasses - cases
9. Hat
10. Umbrella
11. Travel Pillow/pillowcase
12. Super thin towel/washcloth
13. Clothesline
14. Laundry soap (sample size)
15. Shout pen
16. Sewing kit
17. Kitchen stuff:
    Ziploc bags (lots)
    Plastic bags
    Plastic utensils (couple of each)
    Flat drain stopper
    Can opener
    Cutting board (thin plastic sheet)
    Dishsoap (sample size)
18. Food:
    Coffee/Tea bags
    Mac n cheese
    Oatmeal packets
    Trail mix packets
    Cup-a-Soup
    Crackers/cookies
    Granola bars
19. Camera / cards / case / instructions
20. Video Camera / case/ instructions
21. Mini tripod
22. USB cables
23. Battery chargers
24. Batteries
25. 4gb Flash drive
26. Card reader
27. Laptop
28. Power cords for everything
29. Long phone cord
30. Adapters (1 grounded, 2 not)/converter
31. Surge protector
32. Travel laptop speaker
33. Headset for Skype
34. DVDs (4-5)
35. CDs:
    Games (1)
    Sign language (2)
    Russian (1)
36. Flashlight
37. Multi-function tool
38. Anti-bacterial wipes/lotion
39. Kleenex packets (lots)
40. First aid stuff (bandaids, neosporin)
41. Money belts
42. Books (2-3 novels, 1 baby manual)
43. Photo album
44. Travel clock
45. Toys (few small lightweight items, stuffed kitty)
46. Baby blanket
47. Baby clothes – couple of outfits
48. Baby vitamins
49. Paperwork:
    Travel docs
    Copies of passport
    Credit card/bank info
50. LMI travel binder (reduced/double-sided)
51. Pens/Paper
52. Address book/emergency contacts
53. Funnel (small)

Still scrambling

My dossier updates and travel docs are just not coming together as quickly as I had hoped. The homestudy update was turned around within a week, but it is WRONG! Have to get that straightened out today. Then I majorly messed up and forgot to put "FOR INTERNATIONAL ADOPTION" on my FBI fingerprint clearance request envelope, so unless I resend (money, time, money) I probably won't see it for at least another 2 weeks. Think I'll have to resubmit. I'm a moron. This is only the 3rd time I've had the FBI thing done, not like I didn't know, just in a hurry. Sigh. No doubt I'm cutting it very close, given everything still has to be apostilled and not all in this state. Little panicky voice in my head these days.

And to add to my list of things with bad timing? Got a jury summons for April 1st.

Passport arrived!

With the travel delay I was rapidly approaching the 6-month window prior to my passport expiring, so sent it in for renewal (hated that NO passport feeling) and crossed my fingers. Well, exactly 2 weeks to the day, my new one showed up on my doorstep. Woo-hoo!

Now, if everything else would come back so quickly....