Which child is mine?

Many regions in Kazakhstan do not allow referrals and require parents to "travel blind." Here is what I understand about the process.

A referral is what more commonly occurs in international adoption. Based on your criteria, a child is chosen for you, you are presented with a photo and/or video, and available medical information about the child. Based on this "referral" information, you make a decision whether or not to accept and travel to visit the child. You don't have to make the decision to formally adopt until after you have met the child in person, but the intent is that you will.

In Kazakhstan, "traveling blind" is preferred by the government. Your criteria is reviewed in-country, when it is determined by the facilitator that children meeting your criteria in a certain region are available, you are issued a letter of invitation to travel to Kaz to select a child. This sounds a bit like shopping at the pet store, but actually not. What happens is that you go to the baby house and are shown a child that is selected by the baby house director. You spend a short amount of time (usually only 15-20 minutes) with the child, then are asked if you want to bond with that child. You can say yes, or you can ask to see additional children. If there are other children that fit what you are looking for at that orphanage, you will be shown another child. From what I understand, most parents don't see more than 3-4 kids during this process and almost always identify the child that is meant to be theirs almost immediately upon meeting them. Medical information is only translated and given to you to review after you have selected a child for bonding. You then can have the medicals and photos/video you take reviewed by an international adoption doctor in the US.

And a bit about the bonding process, which is the same regardless of whether you get a referral or travel blind: The 2-week bonding period is required by Kazakhstan law. You visit your child once or twice a day for a few hours so you can get to know the child and the child can get to know you. This is also how the orphanage director "observes" you with the child, so she can make a recommendation to the judge. Once you decide to "bond" with a certain child, you sign some additional paperwork and no one else is shown "your" child. At anytime during this period, you can change your mind. You are encouraged to do so early on and mainly for medical reasons, although not mandatory. After the bonding period, you go before the court to declare your desire to adopt the child. Still doesn't become final for another couple of weeks, but more about that later.

I think the bonding period is invaluable for me and the child. It is one of the primary reasons I chose Kaz. You aren't the complete stranger yanking the baby away from all he/she has likely ever known. It is still traumatic, but a much easier adjustment for the child. And you also get to know the baby and can make a more informed decision based on your interaction with him/her. I'm leaning towards traveling blind. Referrals are still available in Kaz, but it is not unheard of that a referral is "lost" to other parents by the time you travel to visit. I also like the idea of choosing my own child, even though the kids you are shown are actually chosen for you! I guess it is partly the principle of the thing. It's also the scariest and most stressful part of this entire process. How do you go about picking a child?! A worry for a different day.