also have to hold him facing out or he is twisting around to see. Seems that is how they hold them most of the time. I can turn him around so his head is on my shoulder occasionally, but it doesn’t last long. Every time I would start to put him back on the blanket, or even try to sit down with him on the sofa, the whimpering would start anew. His little nose was running, I think he is teething, and he was spitting up too. Not to mention the smelly little toots coming from the other end. Maybe he just didn’t feel good. When I rather gratefully handed him back to the nanny, he smiled and giggled. Oh thanks, little guy!
Sending out a plea for help for those of you that have BTDT: What do you do to entertain an 8-month-old (today!) that is a bit developmentally delayed? I’m in the bonding room alone most days. Occasionally my translator, the daughter of my driver, or granddaughter of my coordinator will join me for part of the visit. They are all naturals with babies. I’m apparently not. Do fine with cats and dogs, but babies? Not so much. I’m trying to be silly, making faces, all kinds of weird sounds, anything distracting. He looks at me like
12 comments:
Alysa, don't worry. I was totally clueless and sure that Mieke hated me the entire time we "bonded" and when I first brought her home. I depended alot on the other families that were in Semey with me at the time. Don't worry, it will come but the first few weeks you have him home with you will be tough. Don't be too hard on yourself. You can also see it as a good thing that Kairat is comfortable enough with you to be in a bad mood and not just constantly trying to impress.
FYI - If Mieke had been a boy, I was going to use the name Kai. It's very popular in Europe.
Hang in there, I'll be thinking of you.
Love from,
Kristi and Mieke in Mexico
Alysa,
I am so glad that you shared this. I can imagine this happens to many people. Most people tend to write all the *good* stuff and make it sound like a fairytale. But I think it's normal.
My first thought when I started to get into what you were writing was that he was probably teething and maybe had a little tummy trouble.
I'm sure he'll get back to laughing and smiling. I have been anticipating that we'll have days like that too with our little one.
Chin up and we're thinking of you,
Eileen
It's hard to be alone with them even after they come home!!
If he's teething, not feeling well, or just didn't get a good night's sleep, he's just like all people: in a crabby mood! So, let him lead the way on this one (trust me, that was my morning with my 2 year old).
Don't think you have to entertain him all of the time. That is not your job :). Your jobs is to take his cues. If he wants to be held and cuddled, there you go. May make for a long visit of walking around - ug, but it sounds like he needs it.
Sing to him, talk to him, imitate his sounds, try it all. He sounds like he is craving contact. Also sounds like a normal 8 month old (which is a good thing, but not necessarily to you trying to chill him out!)
You'll do fine, just make sure you keep up your sleep and strength!
AJ
It sure sounds like he just didn't feel well. One time something like this happened when I was with Griffin and I asked if they (I) could give him a bottle. He woofed it down and we all quickly realized that they hadn't fed him that morning! Little guy was cranky because he was super hungry. For the next several days the caregivers stuffed him full of food right before I arrived. I think they were very embarrassed that they hadn't fed him. Take care, and hang in there. It's definitely emotionally challenging while there....but you're not alone. We're all here. Best, Susan
Hey Alysa, Don't be hard so on yourself. He will be cranky, and it will seem like he's more content with other people. Erlan still does this with us sometimes... cranky all morning and then Aunt Amy shows up and he's all smiles. We spent quite a few visits with Erlan walking around the playroom singing and looking out windows. He would seem happier when the nanny showed up. It was hard when that happened (I think that there was one nanny that he would have liked to have taken with him from the orphanage--we really liked her too). Don't feel like you have to keep him entertained. Just do what you are doing, which is being his mom--the person who will hold him when he's cranky. Hang in there! E-hugs, Karla
Alysa,
Don't worry, babies are cranky some days just like me :>! Tomorrow I am sure he will be a different baby...heck we can change by the minute around here! I ask myself everyday what to do to entertain an almost 3 yr old..and I am in my own house!
Your last post has me so nervous! I am grateful you are beyond the meet and greet but I am totally dreading it for us!
Happy Birthday Kairat!
Susan
Oh, my heart goes out to you. I know how hard it is to only have your child for a short time each day and feel like second class.
Sometimes I had to remind myself that my job in Kaz was not to be a mother (even though I *knew* I was her mother), but to be a babysitter for the short term. I know that sounds harsh, but truly, that's how I had to get through some days either because of her mood, or because of everyone else interfering.
Some days all we could do is carry her in the Ergo and walk around and around and around. Other days, she would only be kept occupied by going through every single toy.
I promise you, once you get that adorable little munchkin in your arms 24/7, your whole world will change and you'll be the center of his universe for... oh... the next 17 years. :-)
Clearly, I have not BTDT yet, but there is something that has helped me so much with Luca. When I try to see things from his perspective - from the very beginning - I usually figure out that it isn't me. There is usually something bothering him - hell, today was the first day in his life that he didn't get a good night's sleep and I was like the Wicked Witch of the West in his eyes. OY!!! Like everyone else said, there could be a multitude of things bothering him physically. And, this is all new to him and you - he has not known you for nearly as long as his caregivers. It is probably GOOD that he isn't trying to please you right now . . . he is more discriminating. From what I can tell from others' experiences, this all takes time. Cut yourself some slack - please!
The bonding time is your chance to get to know this little guy. After today, now you know he is a normal baby with good days and bad. Looks like the good have been outweighing the bad. On the postive side, he now feels comfortable enough to be cranky with you and to let you comfort him by holding him. Continue to take his cues and let him have his moods. Certainly does sound like he was teething or ate something new that his tummy wasn't used to.
How to entertain a baby AND keep yourself entertained is a more difficult balancing act. Babies love repetition so singing a song with hand motions- Itsy Bitsy Spider, Wheels on the Bus, Twinkle, Twinkle, This little Piggy etc. is always a good fallback and doesn't require anything special. Babies also love stacking cups/rings, banging things together or on different things-carpet, floor, metal, plastic to hear/feel the sound difference. My girls both used to love me immitating them so if they were laying down, I would too if they played with their fingers, so did I etc.
Hang in there!
Shanna
mom to Tamar and Libby
Alysa, I've been out of town without laptop but am thrilled to be introduced to your little boy. He is beautiful! And, in spite of the crabbiness, he seemed to have been drawn to you right away.
The behavior that you are describing was very normal from what I witnessed at the BH in Semey. Each one seemed to go through their "clingy" phase when they didn't want to be put down (or stop moving). I think it is a comfort thing and a bit of a "test" of your devotion. Some suggestions for this phase: any games that you can play on your lap - like pat-a-cake, peek-a-boo, pop goes the weasel, horsey rides, etc. Even "I'm gonna kiss you... there" games will work and help with the bonding. I used have Miras on my lap and do "Ride like the ladies ride, trot trot trot. Ride like the gentelmen ride, gallop gallop gallop. Ride like the farmers ride, galumph galumph galumph. And down in the ditch goes baby bye bye." And change the 'bounce' for each one.
Also - you can try to get him to imitate you. Babies that age seem to like to bang things together or push buttons to see what happens.
Touch and feel books were very popular as well - or just use anything from your purse or the room that has different textures.
I felt the same way as you... I had no idea what to do with a child. And it is especially difficult when you are just getting to know the child and what they like and don't like. It will get better - and worse - as they get to know you and you get really really bored with the toys in the bonding room!
Enjoy getting to know each other!
Bubbette was often cranky at visits. That crazy baby house schedule just did not give her enough deep sleep. She just cat napped and played with her mates in the playpen all day. Find out what he normally would be doing during your visits and try to duplicate it. We also overstimulated her way too much in order to keep her awake during visits. Try just watching him play by himself as he is more used to being left alone to play. Bubbette often needed to just zone out in order to regulate her nervous system. Most of the time we had to take her outside in the sling to keep her happy cause thats where her friends were in the mornings. Its all about baby steps and they have to be taught how to accept the kind of interaction we give American babies. Bubbette is just now able to enjoy Good Night Moon from start to finish in my lap. He is just beautiful by the way. How do you feel about arranged marriages?
We live so close to you. I hear it was a very common custom in Kaz to match couples as infants. Bubbette is a good catch being two months older and having more worldly experiences. I assure you she will be stunning chasing him on horseback in some courting ritual.
I truly think his crankiness and yearning to wiggle, move and see things is so very normal. These babies have been so couped up and now that they have some freedom, they just seem to want to go. Zahri wasn't a cuddler at all, she couldn't have cared less about me I thought. She just wanted to be on the ground or in the walker moving about the room and interacting with everyone but me. I had some sadness about that, but I tried not to ponder on it too long. Now, Zahri is a total cuddle bug. Don't get me wrong, she probable goes more now than she ever did before, but at least she cuddles and truly stops to need me. It is amazing what only a couple months can do for bonding and fine motor skills.
Congratulations Mommy!
Christy
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