There has been an interesting thread on the Single Kaz Moms Yahoo group the past few days. Many of the SKMs are discovering how their relationships, often with their previously closest friends and even relatives, have or are changing dramatically once they become or have decided to become parents. Changing to the point of being lost or nearly lost, not just due to the all-consuming life of being a new parent, but also because of the other person's reaction to your decision to be a mom. I've had the same experience even though my child isn't home yet, so I can completely relate. It's unfortunate, but seems to be commonplace when major life changes occur. I guess you find out who your friends really are and what kind of friend you are willing and able to be. I remind myself that these "friends" are the ones that are losing -- they are missing out on being a part of my child's life. I look forward to the new friends and relationships that will certainly come (and are already forming!) as "Mom" becomes part of who I am.
The following is from a post by another SKM that sums up one aspect of post-adoption life rather well.
"The nitty gritty real world struggle of earning a living and being there 24x7 for children is intoxicating and demanding and totally unlike being a non-parent. I think most people who haven't parented just don't get it at all. ... Communicating with people in the other dimension is like standing on two trains that occasionally pass each other and yelling hello!"
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3 comments:
Hey Alysa! Thanks for the invite. Looking forward to following your adventure! -Karla
You can't get rid of me as a friend :-)
Ahhhh I have been missing out on the SKM emails; I need to get that set back up. Anyhow, I can ABSOLUTELY relate! During my initial journey, while still at home waiting, I could see my friendships changing, but now that I am home a couple friendships have really changed. I have very few friends that have children, so many just don't understand the time, energy and love that come with parenting. One friend is even what I would maybe call, jealous, of my being a mom now. I am also finding that I am reconnecting with old friends that are now married with small kids; I guess that I can admit that I too let some of those friendships go when they got married. I guess that I would have never thought that my friendships would change, or suffer, because I became a mom, but somehow they sadly do / are.
Christy
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