Okay, in case you missed it:
Yep, this says it all. I'm at that tender age where the hormones are changing and I'm experiencing things that, well, I've never experienced before. And I'm hatin' it! First, I am so NOT ready for this aging thing, and second, I am trying to figure out how not to be the b*tch mom with the brutal mood swings for at least a week every month (PMS has hit for the first time in my life!), and lastly, I really do worry about becoming a parent to a young child at my age.
There are moments when I wonder if I can do it, if I can keep up. then there are moments when I wonder if it is fair to the child. I wonder how he will see me and if he will wish that his Mom was one of the young, pretty, hip and active mom's with no wrinkles or age spots. I already know I am going to be the same age as many of my son's friend's grandparents . I grew up with the same issue (my mother was 40 when she had me) and I'm several years older than that now. I'm going to be past the "half-century" mark (I was so proud of that phrase when my mother turned 50, much to her dismay -- there was a time when that seemed SO old) when my child goes to kindergarten! I've already figured out that retirement is just a dream. This kid isn't going to graduate high school until I'm supposed to be resting on my laurels in Florida.
I belong to a Yahoo group called GAARP -- Gracefully Aging Adoptive Refined Parents. It's a wonderful group of incredibly supportive APs. One of the topics this week, as has been a thread in the past, is planning for when you die. It is a horrible thing to contemplate, especially while in the throes of excitement and anticipation of becoming a parent in the first place. But, it is very real as an older and single parent. Part of my dossier was a pair of letters stating who my child's guardians will be. (And why is it couples don't have to name a guardian?) It's a sobering thought.
Having lost my only parent, my mother, 3 years ago, and knowing how difficult that experience was (and still is) I am very concerned about the effect this inevitable part of life will have on my child. I hurt for him already. I remember my mother's doctor sitting with me at her bedside for a few minutes on one of her last days, and saying that she had told him she didn't know if she could die, because she didn't want to leave me all alone in the world. This is one of the primary reasons I want to adopt two kids in the end. I want my children to have each other when I am gone. But, the older I get, the less the chances are that I will be able to adopt a second child.
The other GAARP topic in the last couple of days has been how to control the "parental mood swings" -- yep, you've got it, all about how to deal with the perimenopausal storm. So I'm not the only one. I guess that makes me feel better. Marginally. So, happy blog surfing. I'm off to the health food store, the doctor, the acupuncturist, the masseuse, the yoga class, and the liquor store. Whatever works first, wins!
4 comments:
Wow Alysa....are you reading my mind? I'm 45 and yes I do think of these things (now). I remember getting shocked with a question by the wife of my husband's best friend - "When you get to a certain age will you quit trying to adopt?" I hadn't thought about that but it was when I turned 40. We're not close enough for her to question me on such a private issue. When I thought of that later I was ticked. She was a mother of 2 children - both planned and happened quickly. How dare her I thought!
So now I'm 45 and will be going to Kaz in June. I hope I can be all that I want to be. I keep thinking about how I look compared to some of the other younger moms out there too. I know what you mean.
My landlords wife constantly brings up the *older parent* issue. Honestly I wish I could tell her to just stop and go away. So many women are having childern later in life - As a matter of fact she's older than I am with a 9 year old child.
Hmmm...I like the idea of your yahoo group. I haven't sought out any *comfort* about this age issue (which more people around me seem to take issue with making me uncomfortable now). Perhaps this yahoo group sounds like something for me to give a try!
PS: Thank you for such kind words, supportive thoughts and hugs!! All is appreciated :)
Eileen
Alysa,
Age is just a number. You are going to go through many waves of emotion. I constantly think about being the "older" mom but you know what that is ok, because the "older" mom is cooler, will be more grounded and able to do for their kid(s), take them on cool vacations etc.
I don't think anyone has the right to judge how old we are when we have a child. Your going to be a wonderful mom because you have thought about all of these things and you will be prepared.
Hugs to you,
sandi
What a post! Your post was so honest and real. It is really refreshing to read posts that are heart felt, to hear all of our fears and concerns, and to then understand that we all have fears in this journey, they just may not be the same. You will be a wonderful mom Alysa. You will be just fine, and your little boy is going to love you heaps!
In my pile of books, I have a book called 'Midlife Crisis at 30.' :)
Christy
Age is all a state of mind. My in laws, who are in their 60s, can do laps around me some days! In fact, my gradma was 40 when my dad was born and that was back in the 1940s, when that never happens and she did just fine! Besides, I don't know many people that are more maternal than you and will be an amazing mother. Your chld(ren) will be loved like no ones business and that is all that is important.
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